Chapter 29 – Part 1, She was María Karina

This is chapter 29, part 1 of the Pleasing María novel. If you are under 18 years of age, or are offended by explicit descriptions of sexual activity or violence, or by strong language, please exit this site immediately. To view the Table of Contents of the novel click here. To go directly to the first chapter, click here. To read the latest novel post, click here. This is a rough second draft.

Chapter 29 – Part 1, She was María Karina

A burning in my lower leg jolted me from my mental haze. My foot was covered with ants and I jumped up swatting, stomping and brushing them off. A handful of indigenous children watched and laughed at my antics, clapping at the show. I looked at my watch–an hour had passed since María told me she loved me.

I called Marikarina,

“I just talked with María, she finally loves me. She’s fucking the black guy cause she loves me, but she doesn’t want me. Do you still love me? Can I come see you?”

“I love you more and I do want you, please come.”

“I should kill myself, will you help me?”

“I need you alive, please come now.”

I caught a taxi back to Guatemala City, and had it drop me off in the Zona 1. I went into one of the luxury oriental shops, bought four identical gifts, ordered them custom engraved, and left my address for delivery the next day.

Then I went to see Marikarina. Her housemate let me in, and I heard her talking on the phone, negotiating a price. For sex. When she signed off the phone, I walked into the room. And there she sat, astonishing, beautiful.

She was a María. María Karina. Marikarina.

And I was just an old, ugly, castrated, ordinary man.

After we made love, we talked about her life as I stroked her hair. She knew she was female from her first moments of consciousness. Her parents had initially tolerated her sense of femininity, mainly because she was strikingly pretty. As she grew older, they told her she was mistaken, God doesn’t make mistakes, her female fantasies would pass, and she could never truly be a girl.

As a teenager, her mother finally blew up, condemned her to hell, and refused to talk to her. Her father was more accepting–he agreed to pay for hormone treatments but said they couldn’t afford sex-change surgery. She took hormones that atrophied her testicles, enlarged her small breasts, and rounded her body. She became estranged from her family after fighting with her mother, and moved in with friends.

High school was worse–to her classmates, she was a beautiful, sexy freak. She was raped and sexually abused by her classmates, teachers and older men, and was ostracized by everyone. She found a transgender girlfriend, surgically converted to a woman, that called her a ‘him’, but he treated her nicely. When her father found out she lived with a queer, he cut her off, and forbade anyone in her family to communicate with her. She lived with her girlfriend for about two years, finished high school, started medical studies just a few months ago, and was reasonably content. Content until she met me at the Estrella’s party a few days ago, and miserable after I told her she was a beautiful woman when sucking her penis. Now she wanted me.

She wondered how she would have children, one day in some far future. I told her we’d ask the Estrella, but I thought if she changed her hormone treatment, her testicles and sperm production would return to normal, long enough to impregnate a surrogate mother.

I asked, “Why did you choose the medical field? Do you have a specialty in mind?”

“Because that’s where people treated me best, like a normal person. I’m not sure I want to continue though, it’s not what I expected. And you really have to love it or you won’t pass.”

“If your family isn’t helping you, how do you support yourself and your studies?”

“I do something unusual, I’m not going to tell you, you won’t like me if I tell you.”

“I’ll love you no matter what you do. Even if you’re a narco hitman.”

She joked, “Even if I’m a hooker?”

“Especially if you’re a hooker, I love whores and hookers. My María is both.”

She stared in disbelief and started crying. I thought, ‘Oh shit, I’ve found another María, and I’ve already screwed it up. If I lose this one, I die!’

Between sobs, she said, “I am, I am a hooker.”

When she stopped crying, she justified herself, explaining,

“A woman with a penis doesn’t get many job choices except with the weirdest of men and women. I have a small group of clients that treat me nicely and trust my discretion. They’re mostly homosexuals and lesbians. That’s how I pay my studies.”

“You don’t need to justify yourself. You’re doing nothing wrong. Do you like hooking?”

“Not at first, but yes, now I do. My clients, men and women, are great. They’re also rejects in society so we bond. They all think I’m a man, a transvestite, but that’s OK. You’re the only one that treats me like a true woman.”

“You are a woman. A penis is just an inverted vagina, your gender is in your head. Do you wish you had a vagina instead of a penis? Have you thought more about a gender change operation?”

“No, I like having a penis now. It’s me, what I was born with, and I like me. I sometimes wonder what I’m missing, what other women experience, but I’m OK with me.”

I had to be very careful with this next question. I didn’t want to lose this woman, and I always seemed to say and do the wrong thing,

“I’ve been thinking about an operation, to get a vulva and vagina, but I’d do it as a man. I’d stay a man. But I would never do it unless you wanted it. What do you…”

She cried again, “Would you really do that for me?”

“I’d be your man with a vulva if you want it. I’m not sure it’s still possible, I’d have to ask the Estrella, but yes, I’d love to do it for you. And for me, well, for us. I’d love for you to fuck me, in my own vagina.”

She cried full bore, with breathing spasms and coughing.

“Do you love me so much?”

Te amo hasta la muerte.” It was easy to say and I meant it. I had to, I was just one rejection away from killing myself.

Yo también te amo hasta la muerte. Now I belong to you.

“It doesn’t work that way. You’ll never be mine, you’re a free woman, and a free woman can never belong to anyone. She can chose to stay with a man, but she can always chose to leave. You have it all backwards. Here’s how it really works. Trust me on this, you’re still too young to know, but I’ve been there. Before you say anything, I want you to think seriously about this for a few days.

“It’s simple. A woman chooses a man. If the man accepts her, he gets on his knees, kisses her vulva, and pledges his life to pleasing her. He belongs to her, and she might keep him forever if he keeps his pledge, otherwise she discards him. That’s it, so simple.”

“Get on your knees.”

“Are you sure? I’m old and ugly and ordinary. I’m demented and I feel like dying every day. You should have a good talk with the Estrella, she knows me, she saved me, you don’t know how I am. And I’m still pledged to María.”

“Get on your knees and kiss my vulva.”

I did, crying and kissing and sucking.

“Guy ordinary, I choose you. Promise yourself to me forever.”

I was unable to talk, unable to pull my mouth from her inverted vagina, to stop crying. I merely stammered, “I do.”

It was enough. I had an owner again. I would be safe again. We made love again.

Marikarina went to shower, and I poked around her suitcases. Her clothes were old and worn. This was it, she had nothing. I guessed her clients didn’t pay much, and the schooling took it all. I now had three women to care for. I’d have to call my accountant tomorrow. I couldn’t wait to take them shopping, I’d have the sexiest, sluttiest harem in Guatemala. I checked Marikarina’s purse, she just had a few Quetzales. I took out all my money and put it in her purse. That would hold her until I asked the estrellitas if she could move-in with me. I was sure it’d be OK, I was sure they had planned this.

It was late and I needed to get back to my apartment, so I waited by the door for her to finish her shower. She came out nude, hair wrapped in a towel. She bent to one side, legs apart, in the most erotic pose of any woman. She shook her hair out, it dropped halfway to her hips. My groin cramped. She pointed to a hair dryer and said,”Well?” I ran to get it and dried and brushed her hair while she sat on the couch. I massaged her scalp and stroked her hair while she purred, drifting away to some never-never land where women were always pleased. She had an erection again, and I knelt before it to worship, sucking her to ejaculation. I was lost, she had won, I belonged to her.

I brought her purse and asked her to loan me some money for a taxi. She found my money and flared up,

“You’re not a client, I don’t want your money.”

“You’re my love, and that’s just the first gift of my pledge to you. Take it please, you need some money until we get situated. You’ll pay me back later.”

“Only as a loan, thanks. I haven’t taken any clients since I met you. Can I keep my clients?”

“You never have to ask me for permission ever for anything.”

“Will you feel OK if I keep my clients?”

“Yes, just a little jealous, but that will keep me burning for you.”

“You’re sure? I’ll be fucking other men and women–that won’t hurt you?

“Yes, it will hurt, and I’ll devour your soul and body to please you, to earn your love.”

“What happens to me if María comes back?”

“I’ll be busy. I’ll have two women to please.”

“Do you love her more than me?”

“Yes. She’s my wife, mother of my son, my woman for many years. I’ll love her until I die.”

“Can you love two women?”

“I already do.”

“She wouldn’t throw me out?”

“You don’t know María. When you meet, when she sees you, there’ll be an explosion. She’ll tear your clothes off and make love to you like nobody else. She’ll love your penis, she’ll have it deep into her throat. She’ll teach you something she calls the ‘ride’. You don’t know how powerful she is, she’ll capture you, you’ll be in love with her, you’ll crave her like I crave her. And I think she’ll be in love with you too. It will be the collision of two Magnificent Sluts. I’ll have to beg you both to let me stay.”

“Maybe we’ll throw you out. Maybe we’ll satisfy each other.”

“Fortunately, your penis is too slim, otherwise you just might. I’ll cry and grovel and kiss your vulvae, and you’ll have pity and let me stay.”

“Why did you call us ‘Magnificent Sluts’?”

“I don’t know, it just seemed to fit. It’s something María uses to describe herself.”

“It’s not a description, it’s a title. The title of ‘goddess’.”

“Of course, why didn’t I figure that out. The Sacred Whore Goddess I worship, Isis, was a Magnificent Slut and probably an Egyptian queen.”

“Would the ancient Egyptians consider a woman with a penis as a goddess? Am I a goddess?”

I knelt and touched my head to the floor, “Already, yes. I worship you. You’re my sacred whore goddess, Marikarina.”

She touched my back and I raised up. Her eyes were wet, but the tears didn’t obscure the most brilliant light in the universe, the glow in the eyes of a woman in love. I touched my head to the floor again and pledged myself to her, my master, her slave. I asked,

“How about a man with a vulva? Is he a god or goddess or just a freak to be played with by the gods?”

“I think … yes, a toy or a slave. Or a sacrifice. I’ll sacrifice you when your time comes. You know a man without balls is not really a man. The Estrella says María told her you weren’t even the real father of her son.”

“He’s my son as much as you’re a woman. Are you a woman?”

“The Estrella says María hates you, she’ll never come back to you.”

“If you knew how badly I treated her, you’d throw me out. I deserve her hate, but her hate is far deeper than hate can be. Her love for me hurts her so badly it feels better to hate.”

“Will you ever get her back?”

“Probably not for a long time, maybe never. She told me today she fucks other men to hate me, any man, and there are thousands of men out there. Maybe if she sees you, she’ll come back to me to get you. I think I know her well, she’ll be as in love with you as I am, she may come back to me for you.”

“Are you really in love with me, or am I just bait to get María back.”

“Whatever love means, I’m in love with you. You may not want me for long, I’m damaged, I’m not whole. I can’t live without a woman. María tore me apart and destroyed most of me. Without a woman to fill that hole, I can’t live. María is gone. The Estrella saved me for awhile, now she’s gone.” I wanted to cry, “Please, please be nice to me!”

“I do love you. I’ve already chosen you, and you accepted. We’ll be OK.”

“It hurts me she’s fucking all those other men. Her hate may never wear off. Please find her and seduce her and bring her back. I’ll give you my whole life for just another day with her.”

“You’ve pledged yourself to me – did you mean it?”

“Yes, for as long as you want me, for my whole life, I swear. Please just be nice to me.”

“I’ll bring her back to you.”

End of book content.

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