Chapter 28 – Part 3, Confessions

This is chapter 28, part 3 of the Pleasing María novel. If you are under 18 years of age, or are offended by explicit descriptions of sexual activity or violence, or by strong language, please exit this site immediately. To view the Table of Contents of the novel click here. To go directly to the first chapter, click here. To read the latest novel post, click here. This is a rough second draft.

Chapter 28 – Part 3, Confessions

María hugged and comforted me. She said,

“I guess since we’re confessing again, this is a good time for me to say I’m sorry for destroying your life. Please just listen and don’t argue. It’s my fault you were castrated by PP. I knew he was dangerous and I knew he’d eventually try to castrate you. He’d done it before. Do you remember I told you about my first boyfriend, he was castrated by another man? That man was PP. When I met you, he had just castrated the kid and left the country. That’s why he didn’t come after you too. I guess you got me on the rebound.”

She continued, “I should have never put you two close together, but I wanted PP, and I thought I could control him. I balanced the danger to you against the sexual excitement. But I wanted you to control me too.”

I said, “You mean it was another game, a game of sexual manipulation of the men. After U&P, I didn’t want to play any more games, I just wanted you.”

She said, “I didn’t see it as a game, but I guess it was. PP was my lover in Antigua, long before U&P, even before the Pol, and it was just natural we fell back together after U&P. I was with him in Antigua every time I went to see my parents, every time I took a tour there.”

“So he was the missing mistress lover. That one was certainly not obvious. I don’t see how I could have known. I would have tried to stop it.”

“I hid him from you. It was easy since he was here. I shouldn’t have, but he was special, I couldn’t give him up. I didn’t see the harm–when I went back to Guanajuato, I was all yours. Almost.”

“Well, once PP poisoned me, I felt the same way. He was special. It wasn’t your fault. He played us both and he won.”

“No, it was my fault. I put you together with him. I wanted you to stop me, but, of course, you didn’t. I could have easily stopped it but I wanted to play. It excited me to watch how you reacted with him. I put you right on the very edge, to see who would tip over. I always thought it would be you, your love for me would win. But he was smarter, with the videos and the castration attempt at the lake, he provoked your humiliation weakness.”

“He had me figured out, he pressed all my buttons, hit all my weaknesses. He was my master.”

“It was my fault, I told him all about you. He knew exactly what to do. I even told him you were back in Guatemala at the lake. I told him you had a weakness for penises, you would love his penis like I do. I told him everything he needed to know to entrap you. He planned it out step-by-step. He’s relentless, once he decided, your castration was inevitable. It was my fault.”

“You knew he’d look for me at the lake? You knew he’d try to castrate me then?”

“I suspected … well, yes, I was pretty sure he’d go for you. I was so excited, waiting to hear from either of you, but I heard nothing and thought he hadn’t gone for you, or you had won.”

“I would have done anything for him to get him to leave you alone. Almost anything–he wanted to anus-fuck me on video tape so he could show it to the whole world, and I couldn’t, so I agreed to suck his penis instead. I think he knew I’d do that, and his beautiful penis enraptured me. Then he anus-fucked me anyway. But when he put his boot on my testicles, I felt like I had gone to heaven. He tried to crush my testicles and almost succeeded. I should say ‘we almost succeeded’. I wanted it as bad as he did. You don’t need to feel guilty. He drowned me in his penis and I gave my testicles to him until he finally crushed me.”

“Did you know he video’d what you did at the lake? No? You should have seen the desperation on your face, in your body, when he was grinding your genitals. He showed me the video months after your castration in the apartment. If I’d have seen that earlier, I would have given you to him much earlier. When you sucked his penis, you abandoned me. That’s why I always forbid you to have penises, not because I thought you were gay, but because I knew you wanted to be destroyed by a penis. For all the years of our marriage, you used me as bait to find the man that would destroy you.”

“And at the apartment?”

“I knew he intended to castrate you at the apartment because you wanted it too–he told me you asked for it. You were already finished by then, fallen way over the edge into his power, willing to be kicked to the gutter like you did to JerkFace. I guess I should confess everything now–I knew he would do it because I told him to do it, but only if you begged for it. You remember you asked me why I wore Jungle Gardenia? That was to celebrate his victory over you but also your victory over yourself.”

“But you knew I would beg him.”


“He was even smarter than that. You and I could have survived the castration, but breaking my penis was genius. That was the end of us.”

“That wasn’t supposed to happen. I had forbidden him to touch your penis. But it really didn’t matter, it was still the end of us. I wouldn’t keep a castrated man. You were castrated mentally and I had already left you. I only took you back to Mexico because he disobeyed me and ruined your penis. The irony was all that could have been avoided.”

“I don’t see how…”

“When we went to Antigua and you saw all my lingerie, and you found out about PP? That was intentional. I unpacked in front of you so you would find out and stop me. I wanted PP, I craved his penis, I was afraid that if I went just once with PP, he’d overwhelm me again. I wanted him but I wanted you to stop me more. We argued, I gave you all the reasons you should let me fuck PP, but I wanted you to say ‘no.’ All you had to do was say ‘no,’ and mean it in your heart-of-hearts. I would have known and you would have been enough for me. You would have saved me, the castration would never have happened, and we’d still be tightly together, enough for each other. But you were weak again, you let me have him again. He captured me again and I turned on you. It became a game.When we went to Lake Atitlán, I told him where we were. I wanted to get you as close to him as possible, right up to edge, knowing he might try to castrate you. I thought I could control him. But he made me crazy. We made the videos and photos, I was out of control with him. And he was smarter than me, he attacked you in a different way, through his penis, and he trapped you too.”

“I never knew he was the same guy from before. You could have told me he was dangerous. But you’re right, he hooked me with his penis. He was smarter than both of us. You needn’t apologize for the castration. After lake Atitlán, I knew he wanted to castrate me. I tried to help him do it then and I knew I’d help him again. He wanted to castrate me so I wanted it too. He also said he wanted to make you the world’s cheapest whore.”

“Did you want that too?”

“Yes, whatever he wanted.”

“Didn’t you ever think he manipulated you? That he wanted you to abuse me to break us up?”

“Ay, diós mio, is it possible? Ay, diós, I’m so sorry.”

“You succeeded. Were you happy?”

“I hated you for marrying him. Then I hated myself. He should have castrated me at the lake, then I wouldn’t have whored you out. But he finally got me. He video’d that, did you see it?”

“Yes, he showed me. He tortured you for a long time. He almost killed you. Just like he did with José.”

I lied, “What! He killed José?”

“No, he crushed his testicles, and broke his penis, like you. I found out later José was in the hospital when I came back to the apartment. His brother came from Buenos Aires and took him back there.”

“I told PP to destroy me and kill me. I thought I did it for you, so you’d be free of me forever. Your strong husband destroying your weak husband.”

“Yes, you were always weak. I guess I never could stay with a weak man. I didn’t like to be around them.”

“I’ve heard rumors you destroyed men’s genitals in the clubs when José pimped you?”

“I stepped on their pricks with red heels, like you always wanted me to do with you.”

“Because they paid you or you liked it?”

“I always regretted it afterward, but I loved it at the moment–it was always your prick I was grinding away. Some of them never told me when to stop, I don’t know why I went so far. They paid me…”

“I also heard your fucked your brother.”

“You shouldn’t believe everything you hear. And he wasn’t…urr…isn’t my brother, he’s nothing to me.”

End of book content.

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