This is chapter 25, part 1 of the Pleasing María novel. If you are under 18 years of age, or are offended by explicit descriptions of sexual activity or violence, or by strong language, please exit this site immediately. To view the Table of Contents of the novel click here. To go directly to the first chapter, click here. To read the latest novel post, click here. This is a rough second draft.
Chapter 25 – Part 1, The Seven Levels of Hades
I awoke, I stretched out over the bed soothed and relaxed. My hallucination was exactly what I needed, a blueprint for ending my life. I was one of the lucky few that knew exactly how and when I would die. My day was planned. I had no hurry, nothing else to do. Peace, absolute peace, for the first time in my life. I puttered around the kitchen. Who could imagine that coffee and toast could taste so good. I went to feed Hell, but remembered she would feast on something much sweeter in the early afternoon.
I made a list of items that I should attend to first. Most had been completed already. I already had a will that passed all my assets and income to María and Brett. They had all my account numbers and passwords for my bank, investment and insurance accounts. Only personal items remained. I’d need to write a few emails, a few letters. I didn’t care what happened to my body, María would decide how best to cover-up the disgrace I had made of my life. I started on the letters first.
The Estrella called, said she was anxious to see me and had already found a ‘pene’ for our first threesome – could she come over that afternoon? I was at peace, I felt no urgency to having Hell take my life, so I said ‘sure’, and kept working on the letters and emails.
The Estrella showed up perky and cheerful, dragging along a ‘pene‘ that seemed apprehensive about the situation. She brought my first container of testosterone replacement medication and gave the first dosage. I was dressed for their visit, and rather than wait for the ‘pene‘ to move on the Estrella, I told him curtly that I was impotent. I grabbed her and began kissing her neck, her ears, her shoulders, undressing her. I removed her blouse and bra and kissed her nipples. The ‘pene‘ heated up, pulled her panty off from under her mini-skirt and began to fondle her vulva. She was already wet, and he finger-fucked her for a moment, then dropped his pants. I moved away from her so he could mount her. he pulled her legs up into the air, slide between them and did not stop sliding until he was fully embedded into her. He stroked her furiously while I caressed her breasts, body and face. The ‘pene‘ ejaculated well before the Estrella had started her ascent into orgasm, and after he rolled off of her body, I put my mouth to her vulva and cleaned away the ‘pene’s‘ semen. The ‘pene‘ was grossed-out. He made several cutting remarks about both the Estrella and I, that we were perverts, and he walked away to watch the snakes. I sucked the Estrella to a moaning orgasm, just one, as she was perturbed by the ‘pene’s‘ presence in the room. I took the pleasure of dressing her slowly, admiring and commenting on the beauty of her body. I whispered, “I love you, slut,” and went for her hairbrush, brushing her shining hair and stroking it with my hands. The Estrella was glowing, I adored her, and the ‘pene‘ was bored and upset at this old man pawing a woman half his age.
The ‘pene‘ was poking at the snakes with a stick, taunting them, so I offered to show them a snake trick. The ‘pene‘ was all go; the Estrella looked at me with sharp eyes sticking like barbed hooks in my heart with every word and gesture. I gathered my string and the snake box, and undressed. The ‘pene‘ dropped his jaw to see my genitals: penis broken, bangles, and shrunken scrotum. I explained what I was going to do while I tied the rubber testicles properly in-line with the penis. I asked the ‘pene‘ to free the larger snake in front of my penis. He did so eagerly, and Hell immediately struck my penis and begin swallowing it. The Estrella watched with horror and the ‘pene‘ turned green. When Hell swallowed the testicles, the ‘pene‘ ran to the bathroom and I heard the grunts of vomiting. I allowed Hell to arrive almost to my abdomen, then I grabbed her mouth, opened her jaws, and began to work her off my genitals. The Estrella grabbed Hell’s body and helped control her squirming. I saw the doctor reappear in her face. I had to step over the ‘pene‘ in the bathroom to wash my genitals as he just sat there on the floor leaning green-faced against the toilet. I asked the Estrella if he was a ‘menso’ – he obviously wasn’t fit for being a doctor, and she affirmed.
The Estrella was both fascinated and deeply disturbed by the snake show. She ordered me to pack, she was taking me to Guatemala City without the snakes. She told me to take all my clothes – I couldn’t be nude in her apartment. We dumped the ‘pene‘ at his place along the way and when we arrived at her apartment, she cleaned out a drawer for my stuff in her bedroom closet – I was to sleep with her.
That night, we cuddled and spooned, and the barbed hooks she impaled in me were larger and sharper, they hurt so richly. The next day, I slept late and I rummaged around her apartment while she was at school. I discovered a big stack of unpaid bills and collection notices; the kitchen was almost bare. The Estrella was financially distressed; probably her scholarship and grants were inadequate for her expenses. I also found some notes and school papers from another girl. Evidently, the Estrella had a roommate for a long while. Then I found a stash of love notes and poems – the roommate had been the Estrella’s lover. Hmmm … the Estrella was not a lesbian type.
I had some cash, so I went out and paid the most urgent bills and bought a big load of groceries, as well as some candles and flowers. I cleaned the kitchen, and prepared one of the few dishes I knew how to cook, spaghetti (I bought the meat sauce), salad and garlic bread, and set the table with candles and flowers.
The Estrella came home exhausted and angry from the hospital. She cried when she saw the romantic setting, hugged me and cried and cried and cried. She was in full Female mode again, Isis, totally disarmed and vulnerable, the hard cold doctor was gone. I could have done anything I wanted with her at that moment – ravish her vulva, fuck her with a telephone pole, kill her. Her eyes became immense brown swirling Whorepools. I could have abused her, instead she destroyed me, purged me of the dark heavy Male blood, cleansed then consumed me. I did the worst thing possible, I embraced her and loved her, loved her, surrendered completely to her. We cried together, but I cried also for the loss of María.
As we ate dinner, she told me her sad story. Every ‘pene‘ that she had a relation with was a pig. They abused her, cheated on her, and she had two pregnancies and abortions. In desperation, she took a woman lover, initially the happiest months of her life. But her lover was insanely jealous, envious of her success at the hospital, and the Estrella missed having a penis. They broke up three months ago. Her disastrous personal life had driven her to study harder and she did well at the hospital, but the loss of her roommate lover left her financially strapped. We slept tightly embraced. I got up with her in the morning, dried, brushed, and stroked her shining hair, and made her breakfast while she dressed. We were two broken people propping each other upright.
After she left for the hospital, I called my financial planner and broker in the USA. I had him divide my paper financial assets in two equal parts, and put María as exclusive owner on one part, so I could never touch it again. I was lucid but I now recognized that I was unstable. The second half of my assets I divided evenly once again, and made my son the exclusive owner of half. Of the remaining 25%, I had him sell enough to pay for a year of adequate living expenses, and wire the proceeds to my Mexican bank. I also signed-up on-line for early Social Security benefits. I was financially OK for living expenses as long as I had no grave emergencies.
The day was shot so I went out, bought Chinese, lots of flowers, candles, liquor-filled chocolates, and made the table again. For as long as the Estrella would tolerate me in her life, she would know that at least one man wasn’t an abusive pig, however old, demented and deformed I might be.
The Estrella came home happy and bubbling that evening – she had saved a child’s life in the ER. We made love, in my limited fashion; as I kissed her nipples and sucked her clitoris, I thought of María, but I was happy. This pretty, intelligent ‘estrella‘ filled my being with the barbed hooks of Female; when she left me, she would break my heart and rip me apart, and I was happy. Life was good again.
I called the Prof. and told him I would be delayed another week. I was still interested in the bondage and was willing to suck and fuck him, but the Estrella was drawing me in. I eventually told him that I wouldn’t be his lover, but I’d visit him about once per week.
The Prof and I settled into a routine. We always did the exact same two bondage tricks together, the swinging suck and the swinging fuck, or the swinging suck and the ‘missionary fuck’ where he knocked me out with pressure on my neck arteries. I always insisted on the swinging suck because I enjoyed the bondage in sucking his penis and swallowing his semen. The sadism of the knock-out missionary fuck gave him explosive orgasms.
I told him that he could realize his fantasy to fuck me to death by squeezing my neck arteries and delaying his orgasm until the moment of my death. We discussed this dispassionately – the Prof. had no moral issues with killing me, and I realized that he didn’t have the slightest affection for me, I was simply an exciting sex toy. If I was willing to die, he was certainly willing to trade my life for a super orgasm. But there were multiple logistical problems: what if I remained alive but brain damaged? How to dispose of the body? How not to get caught? He was a coward.
I still refused to kiss him, the possibility of a fuck to the death did exist, so it was worth the visits. I didn’t charge him anything (although I accepted his gifts – I was still a hooker.) I was also grateful that he had brought me that fabulous slut, the Estrella.
So the Estrella and I began a routine that lasted over a year: in the mornings I brushed and stroked her hair, stroked her body if she had spare time, and made her breakfast. I cleaned the house (I quickly found a twice-weekly maid,) shopped, and made our dinner. I learned to cook some, spent hours buying and arranging flowers around the house to please her, but the flowers could never match her beauty. I paid all the utility bills, and kept the pantry full. It pleased me to please her in small and large ways, and everything I did for her I did also in honor of María whom I still loved intensely. I continued the hormone replacement therapy, I felt better and my breasts shrank back below A-cup size. We always slept together except when she brought a ‘pene‘ to the house, about 3-4 times per month. She told these ‘penes‘ that the strange man in her apartment was her uncle. I cleaned her vulva and sucked her to orgasm 2-3 times per week, including after the ‘penes‘ had ejaculated into her.
We went out often to cafés, restaurants and bars where the other customers assumed she was either my daughter or a paid-for whore. We talked about everything, our lives, our lovers, everything large and trivial. I told her every thing about María. The Estrella was sharp – she drilled into me, pulling out the details of my life. No detail was too small for her, and she soon understood me better than I.
And that didn’t frighten her away.
* * *
I got the idea for what we called the seven levels of Hades from a women’s magazine – I think it was Cosmopolitan. I read one of those articles that promised sexual heaven for the woman (and man) that followed its tips on cunnilingus. I determined I could compensate for my broken penis by developing outstanding use of my lips and tongue. I scoured magazines, books, and porno videos for techniques and tried them on the Estrella. This turned into a great game by which we tried different techniques, and altered their order to give her a long orgasmic experience that included sharp, fast orgasms mixed with prolonged, rolling orgasms. When she finally decided that it couldn’t get any better, we had seven techniques, applied in a specific order that satiated her physically, sexually, mentally and emotionally. We did this at least once a week, although we often didn’t make it through all seven levels – she would sometimes beg to stop at levels 4 – 6. Hades was all about her pleasure, and was all in her vulva using my lips and tongue and fingers. She was pre-warmed by deep kissing of the mouth and nipples.
An unfortunate side effect of Hades was she fell in love with me. I knew she missed having a strong penis, and I pressured her to have young men frequently, usually ‘sexual point’ volunteers. My love for the Estrella did not diminish my love for María, quite the opposite. I wanted María back more than ever, I wanted to give her Hades also, and perhaps win a permanent spot in her sexual calendar.
The Estrella’s grades and performance at the hospital improved as her home life unstressed and she was relieved of house duties. She never, ever once asked me for money or to do things for her. I volunteered and pried activities from her that I could help her with. I began doing medical research for her at the university library – she’d give me list a of search terms and I’d assemble the materials for her to read. I noticed in the library multitudes of young women, stressed and harassed, some as attractive and sharp as the Estrella, and I felt so sorry for them. I asked the Estrella about the ‘sexual point’ process – she said that nearly every female student she knew participated, only the indigenous girls never did it. She said that she had exchanged sex for grades, and at hard times, for money. She surprised me when she told me she had just ‘pointed’ two days before, with a woman staff doctor. I had somehow imagined that she didn’t need that any more.
I bought her small presents, mainly exotic lingerie, sexy clothes, perfumes and costume jewelry – I was unconsciously projecting María on the Estrella. The Estrella loved the gifts and started wearing them daily. The gifts made her feel sexy, more attractive, and combined with her general happiness, the men certainly noticed. She began to have better ‘pene‘ visitors more often, and I was very pleased to hear her screaming orgasms on occasion.
The Estrella and I discussed her ‘penes‘ extensively, trying to determine which, if any, would be good long-term candidates for her life. She said that most of the ‘penes‘ were good for fucking but little else, they were just sluts. I began to re-paint my mental images of men, they ceased being human, and became just huge sacks of testosterone enclosed in a human-shaped scrotum with a phallus protruding. They came to the Estrella swinging their penises just as I had done decades before in Europe – they were me, and I detested them. She occasionally brought home another woman; she told me she had to be careful with women, they still had the power to draw her into their vulvae.
I loved the Estrella, her gestures, her eyes, her mannerisms, her kindness, her hair, her generosity, every part of her body, soul, heart. María had overwhelmed me with her beauty and sensuality; she had many of the same qualities as the Estrella, but I didn’t see them as clearly in the deluge of her beauty and sexuality. I realized how much I had taken María for granted in the familiarity of three decades of marriage. How I regretted that waste, my obliviousness, my stupidity. This was another consequence of the tyranny of great beauty, that it obscured many of the small beauties within the same woman. I began to look at other women again, not just at their physical parts, not just from penis lust but also from Isis love. I looked at their faces, their eyes, how they carried their bodies, how they dressed to express their personalities, how they fended off predator men. I lusted after their thoughts, their emotions, their phobias, their joys, their ‘mañas’ (eccentricities), their fears, their hearts, their souls. What I would have given to have had my eyes opened to women when I was 18 years old!
* * *
I ran into the White Witch at the university library, and we went for a coffee. Just small talk, the weather, etc. She didn’t know I had left PerfectPenis and lived in Guatemala City by the med school. When I told her, she became agitated and blurted out,
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m deeply ashamed. I never hurt anyone before. I tortured you, watched as you screamed and twisted. Then I dumped you at the hospital, and drove away.”
“Forget it. I told you to do it. I deserved it, and you needed it. Besides, the testicle wasn’t functional anymore.”
“What do you mean, ‘I needed it’?”
“You had a lot of repressed sexual frustration and violence you needed to work out. I was pleased to give you that chance.”
“I’ve been disturbed since then, I’m not sleeping well either. I can’t get what you said and what I did out of my mind. I can’t believe I was capable of torture.”
“It was just a natural and inevitable outburst of your beliefs. You believe in a system based on violence. The violence is usually hidden away, sanitized inside bureaucracies and laundered through government police and militaries. But sometimes it pops out at the moment, impossible to miss, and it’s ugly.”
“Do you remember it, the pain?”
“No, not really, I watched you from above. You were crying hysterically, holding my throat with your other hand, talking to yourself. I couldn’t understand you, but I felt that maybe you were talking to and castrating someone else. Want to tell me about it?”
“No, it was you. But I don’t know why. Maybe because you didn’t respect me like the others. You let me torment you in public, but then dug into my vulva and found all my desires and insecurities. You had the power to expose me, but you didn’t. How can you forgive what I did?”
“I’ll forgive you if you let me take you to dinner on Saturday?”
“You know, I’ve only had a handful of real dates in all my life, and I’ve never had what you’d call a boyfriend before. When I go out with a man, it’s always my idea and I just take them to fuck. It’s usually not too satisfying, well you were the best and you didn’t even have a penis…”
If it’s just sex you want, try PP. He has the most beautiful penis conceivable. That’s how he seduced María, how he seduced me. María and I call him PerfectPenis. But be careful, once he gets his penis into you, you may never get it out. And he’ll never love you – he doesn’t love anyone, he owns them. He owns María, he owns me, and he’ll own you. But it still might be worthwhile to experience his penis. He fucked me mouth and anus, and I cried and begged him for more. He hated me, but I still crave it, I’d kneel to him and beg him for his penis, I’d let him fuck me in front of the whole world. Be careful with him. And if you haven’t tried a woman, María will be perfect for you.
“No, I’d love to have normal romantic dates. But I certainly don’t want to be treated like a pampered princess, or a stupid trophy blond …”
“You probably wanted to be treated equally, like one of the boys. Well congratulations, you succeeded. But I want to be with you because you’re not one of the boys. I see you as a woman. I’m asking you because your presence honors me. You’re clearly more intelligent than me. You’re better educated, more cultivated, and quite interesting. And you’re damn attractive too. Your presence honors me, makes me look better than I am. I’d be honored to take you out, just like I’m honored to be with you now. But yes, I want to show you I see and appreciate your qualities. I want to open doors for you, escort you on my arm, stand for you and seat you at the table. Because whether or not we can ever be equal in achievements, you have the potential of a woman, and I’ll never have your potential in humanity. That’s biology, and in my opinion, is irrefutable.”
“I don’t know, I’ve never been treated, never wanted to be treated like that before. I don’t want to be a treasured object on a pedestal. I just want to be treated like me, whatever that is.”
“But that’s how I see you, see all women like you. As the unique and irreplaceable piece that man is missing – not to save the world, but to save the man. I honor you because I’m selfish, because you can complete and save me.”
WhiteWitch floundered, “I don’t know. What will we do or talk about, we’re totally different?”
“We can discuss politics or religion or economics or sports or fashion or whatever you want. For me, liberty is my core belief and I’ll not give that up. Socialism and feminism is your religion, and you won’t change either. Let’s just agree to disagree, that we don’t insult each other, and if we get upset, I’ll kneel and kiss your vulva until we’re OK again. You can be a great woman, just how you’re looking at me, your voice caresses me, your hair soothes me. You can save me, and I’ll forgive you anything for that, even my castration.”
“Oh no, you’ll want to change me, to save me. You think I’m wrong and you can convert me …”
“No, I don’t want to change you. I don’t have the power to change you. If you ever change, it will come from within you. But you have the power of a woman, to save a man, to save me. And maybe you’ll rethink yourself in that process. I promise I won’t try to change you, we can completely avoid talking about those things. Let’s just talk about us, a woman and a broken man.”
“It’s not that easy for me, it’s complicated. Of course, word of the … of what I did to you spread quickly. My status as the Marxist queen, as you so crudely phrased it once, is completely cemented. I now give paid lectures and get huge grants for gender research now. What would they think if I’m seen socially with you, the eunuch.”
“You’ve replaced PP as the leader of the capitalistic pig castration squad. You can tell them I’m your eunuch houseboy, for all I care. Tell them I live in a doghouse in your garage on a leash, if you want. At the moment, what I’d really like to do is get another taste of you …”
“That’s not fair! You’re using my body against me. I don’t want to have just explosive orgasms, I want to be loved, I want to love too.”
“You did love me, when you castrated me. A woman can only castrate for love. PP castrated me with hate, but you did it for love. And I could easily love you, will love you the next time I taste you …”
“You’re wrong, I hated you. I wanted to kill you with pain. When you passed-out and stopped screaming, I hated you because I couldn’t hurt you more, because you wouldn’t die for me. That’s when I crushed your testicle against the bangle. I felt it break into pieces, and I hated you then.”
“No, you loved me. Now let me love you. You can absorb me into you, you can save me.”
“No, I don’t know. I’m not ready for this, for you. You’re not even a complete man. I would ruin my career for a half-man. I’m not ready for that.”
“Then let me taste you, just for the orgasm. Let me love you and I’ll love you forever. I’ll wait for you until you’re ready.”
“Please don’t ask me again. I’ll say ‘yes’, and I don’t want it. I’m not ready for this.”
“Take my card, call me when you’re ready. When you want to be loved, unconditionally.”
She walked away crying. I noticed that she had changed her dress style. She wore a tight dress that painted her body. Her hips swayed like only a Latin woman can do. Yes, I would easily love her if she would choose me. I would drown in her.
But she never called.
End of book content.
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